Siblings {March}

Ever since we found out we are expecting another baby, I can’t help feeling wistful about our time with just two growing shorter. I remember not taking full advantage of our one on one time with Pip before Cheerio came along and how different it felt when three became four.

Two brothers in a rocking chair

Now it feels as though we’ve had hardly any time with just the four of us, and we are going to be losing that intimate family dynamic where there is one kid per adult. And while I am sublimely happy about it, I am also a bit worried about creating a new dynamic between our kids.

Two brothers in the park

Right now, Pip is special because he is the oldest. He made us parents. He gave us the chance to figure out what we are made of. We made lots of mistakes (as we continue to do!), but we learned and grew as people and as “mom and dad.”

Three year old smiling in the grass

pip

Then Cheerio came along and changed everything. He created the first sibling bond. Our kids were brothers, a most miraculous concept. And Cheerio was special, too, because he was the youngest. Because he was a high risk pregnancy that came with a lot of fear and worry. Because he made us better parents and unlocked the extra space in our hearts that we didn’t know we had.

Baby in rocking chair

My mother once advised me that women often fear they won’t love their second (or third or eighth) child as much as their first. She said that when you already love a child with all of your heart, it seems impossible to think there will be anything left for the next one. But she told me something that I never lost track of: a mother’s heart will expand forever. There will always be enough love because it is totally possible to love each (and every!) kid with everything you have.

Toddler boys playing together

But when this new baby comes, it will create something that wasn’t there before. Just like Cheerio’s arrival made Pip into something new (a big brother), so too will this new baby turn Cheerio into a middle child. And I wonder what that will be like. And I worry what that will be like…

Toddler brothers are best friends

But for now I focus on the bond my two children have. The love and the laughter, and the hugs and the gratitude. My heart swells with joy, and I know that whatever happens on arrival of our new bean, we will expand our hearts to make room, and every one of my children will know the full volume of my heart and how it beats for them.

Brothers

Brothers on a park bench

dear
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Comments

  1. says

    Gorgeous photos. I am sure everyone who is brining a third child into the World must feel the same. I know when we talk about adding that third child we think of all of these things. People have told me that having three is more difficult than 2, however, I am sure they will be a great addition to your already beautiful family and I am certain your boys will be amazing big brothers!

  2. says

    So many beautiful photos of your gorgeous boys together. And your words…. So beautiful and heartfelt too! It’s always such an emotional and confusing time when you’re expecting I think. And I know I would feel all these things if I were expecting a third, I know I did expecting a second. It’s so weird facing impending changes, having no idea how they’ll pan out, but just knowing that you’ll find a way. This time with the two of them is so special and fleeting now, and in no time at all, life with two will be like a distant memory. But I’m sure you’ll all love every second of life as a five. x

  3. says

    We just had our second in November and I had similar fears. And from that, as you already know, I’m certain that a third child will bring those emotions we expect and a whole new, unique sense of joy you haven’t yet experienced.

    Lovely to see and hear about your boys’ relationship has grown. xo

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