Once again, Brit Mums sets the challenge, and I take it up with as much gusto as I can muster… which, this week, isn’t much!
Why, you ask? Only because I can’t think of a single thing that I want that I don’t already have or would rather wait a while for.
In Christmases past, I have had certain expectations, whether I would admit it or not. I had gadgets, gizmos, fashions and travelling on my mind, just waiting for my own personal Santa to deliver. I quite often would find myself disappointed simply due to the fact that I never specifically asked for anything, expecting instead that someone would be able to magically read my mind and place in front of me a bottomless pile of presents which would keep me going all year long.
Obviously it never happened.
Last year, due to my late stage of pregnancy, a lifelong fear of Christmas, and the fact that it was the first ever Crimbo Mark OR I had spent completely alone together, it wasn’t really the ideal situation. I never got to make the Christmas cookies I so wanted to bake. I never decorated the way I’d hoped (though Mark tried his best to make the house festive!), and I never got into the spirit of the holiday.
But this year – excitement abounds! More than ever before, I want every second to be special. After all, I promised Dexter last year to give him a perfect first Christmas.
I want tinsel and baubles and snow and mistletoe and mulled wine and a train set making its progress through our living room and around our 6 foot (real!) tree!
I want eggnog and cookies and a perfectly browned turkey.
I want sleigh bells and reindeer-nibbled carrots on the patio.
I want floor to ceiling toys all for my little boy.
I want to plan and execute every single moment of that very special day so that it runs exactly as I forsee it in my head. So that Dexter’s first yule time is perfect in every way.
It’s not going to happen. There are no decorations, no cookies and no tree. There’ll be no mulled wine nor slaved-over Christmas dinner.
This is because we are headed back to Mark’s family home in Utah, spending the holidays with that side of the family. And while it is a dear wish of mine for Dex’s first Christmas to be spent with family, I’m truly devastated to not be able to have the holiday I want, done my way. I may have even cried about it…
But even with my disappointment this year, I am still excited for my little man. He may have to wait for a few more years before he gets to experience the Christmas I want to give him. But I guess it will be even more magical then.
Until then, there is very little that I can wish for. After all, I’ve got my health, my beautiful son and my devastatingly gorgeous partner, and there is nothing else in this whole world that matters. I am loved, and I love.
And that is what the holiday is all about. Isn’t it?
* For more posts on this subject, click here.