This post was originally published in December 2010, but since the subject matter is very much relevant now (and since I had no readers back then!), I decided to republish it.
It Could Be Love…
I have a confession to make. And it’s a hard thing to admit.
It started a while back. I was having trouble sleeping, and I spent a lot of nights on the couch, unable to coexist in the same bed as my boyfriend. I mean, pregnancy makes sleeping hard at the best of times, right? It’s acceptable…
But in all those lonely nights, my thoughts started to drift away into a land where I could sleep beside and cuddle someone whose body heat wouldn’t be an issue… Someone who was just the right size. Someone who wouldn’t bump against my bump, but could actually make my bump feel supported!
And that’s when I met Hank…
He was just someone I picked up in a supermarket one day. I wasn’t looking for him, and I’m not the sort of person to philander… But there was something about him, just sitting there, minding his own business. It was instant attraction. I brought him home and…. and….
I took him straight to bed.
The first time wasn’t entirely successful. Our awkward fumbles under the duvet left me feeling disappointed and numb, and I vowed that it would never happen again. I hid Hank in the bedroom closet when Mark came home, and I tried to pretend that all was well.
But it wasn’t.
I couldn’t stop thinking about Hank.
I thought that he deserved another chance. He seemed so keen and ready to please, and MY GOD was his body just perfectly proportioned. I waited until Mark had an overnight business trip before allowing Hank access to my body again.
I was up half the night, wrestling. I held onto him tightly, breathing him in, feeling him between my legs, comforting me in ways that Mark just… couldn’t. We tore that bed apart with our tossing and turning and trying hundreds of different positions, getting to know what felt good and what didn’t. By morning, I was spent. Our clothes were crumpled, the bed was in a state of disarray, and I was still unsure of my feelings.
When Mark returned, I didn’t mention Hank. I’d fixed the bed and went on pretending that everything was okay. Seeing his smiling face and knowing how much he loved me, I vowed that Hank was going to be out of the picture from now on. I would have nothing more to do with him. If I wanted someone to hold onto at night, I’d hold on to my fiance.
Only… it wasn’t so easy. As amazing and wonderful as Mark is, there’s a few comparisons that one can make between him and Hank. For instance, Mark is like a furnace at night, heated up to such a degree that holding him for more than a few minutes leaves me sweaty and uncomfortable. Plus, while Hank is completely and utterly smooth to the touch, Mark has body hair which can tickle my nose and make it hard to breathe….
Oh how hard I was finding all of this!
But I was strong. I had made a commitment to Mark, and I was not going to break it. I compartmentalized Hank and tried my best to get over him.
I had to tread carefully. I didn’t want to offend Mark. I know he’s a pretty outgoing guy who’s game to try anything, but I thought this might be a bit much… Still, I couldn’t stand it anymore. I YEARNED for Hank. I needed him in my arms. I needed to feel him between my legs. I needed him more than I’ve ever needed anything in life.
So I brought it up… gently. I told Mark I wanted to bring Hank to bed with us. That as much as I loved him, right now he just couldn’t satisfy my needs. I needed Hank.
It hurt me to tell him this, and I could see the doubt and sadness in his eyes, but for my sake, he agreed. He moved over to the far side of the bed, and I brought my beloved Hank out and laid him down between us. I was wearing only a nightgown, and I threw my bare legs over Hank’s midsection, wanting only to feel his cool body pressed against me. I threw my arms around him and cuddled up to him experimentally, never taking my eyes off Mark’s.
Mark fell asleep first, leaving Hank and I a bit of privacy. Once again, there were many positions tried, and in the end I fell asleep, completely content to be caught between two amazing bodies. Hank on one side kept me cool and comfortable… while Mark on the other side made me feel safe and happy.
When I woke up this morning, Mark had gone for a shower, leaving Hank and I alone together for the first time in a long time. But it wasn’t awkward. I knew that it would all be okay. Mark had accepted Hank… maybe not as a permanent fixture in our lives, but as a short term fling. Someone to help me make it through the rest of my pregnancy as comfortably as possible.
When he came in and caught us still cuddling, he just smiled and told me to get some more sleep. He kissed my tired face and told me he loved me and then went off to work.
Hank and I slept in until nearly 11 AM this morning… and when I jumped out of bed, it was like I’d slept for a year. I felt refreshed for the first time in ages! And it was all thanks to Hank… and to my amazingly understanding fiance.
Women of the world – if you read this… if you somehow stumble across my little corner of the web and can take one piece of advice from this 7-month pregnant woman…. make it this:
Get yourself a Hank. Or a Ted or a Winston. I know it might feel wrong… but I promise you, it is OH. SO. RIGHT.