Changes~what major (or minor) changes have happened to you this year that have made a difference in your life?
When I saw the blog prompt for this week, I laughed a little to myself. After all, there’s been a pretty drastic change in our lives this year, and it is the entire reason this blog exists! Namely – we’ve had a baby!
Wait – what? You mean you didn’t know about our adorable little man-child? Shock!
Actually, I find it hard to believe that the whole having-a-baby thing is anything new at all! I mean, Dexter just slotted into our lives as if he’s ALWAYS been here. It doesn’t even seem conceivable that I went 29 years without him. I literally have to REALLY stretch my memory banks to remember what it was like to live a life unencumbered by a 22-lb hug-machine. If I’m honest, I can’t even remember what it was like when he was a newborn! Each new stage we go through (and there have been many in the last 9 months) feels like it’s how it’s always been.
This week, for instance, our little monkey has had his most traumatic week to date. I suppose all parents will remember their child cutting their first teeth. For us, it started with ear-pulling, crying, restless nights and a lot of drool. And now? Well, despite having two brand new sparkling white chompers on his bottom gums, we are STILL enjoying constant ear-pulling, crying, restless nights and lots of drool. But now it is joined by the additional joys of lip biting, carpet biting and the ever-lovely nipple biting. Hurray for teeth!
Also this week, only a month after crawling for the first time, we’ve had to excitement which comes with learning to climb. I was shocked and awed to be able to take a video of our Doodlebug pulling himself up and making it up FOUR stairs before I finally gave in to fright and pulled him away.
And that is just this WEEK.
The year, on the whole, has been one big gigantic life change. Beginning with the finalisation of my divorce, first year anniversary with Mark, and 29th birthday in January – to Dexter’s birth in February – to all of the tiny little milestones that we reached along the way… it’s as though I’m the only one in the world to have had such a big year.
To every mother, HER baby is special. Her child is a super genius, the most adorable child in the world, the first one ever to fart, poop, roll over, kiss, cuddle and get the hiccups. It’s the reason we have cameras. Because we can’t imagine any other child bringing any other mother the joy and amazement that our own child brings.
Which brings me to the biggest change of all. The one that has me in equal parts amazed and freaked out. It’s a little thing I like to call HAPPINESS.
After years of unrelenting depression, suicidal tendencies, and the ever-encroaching loneliness, this year has given me the perfect reason to live. To thrive. I have a perfect love in Mark and Dexter. I have found my peace at last. I catch myself smiling for no reason. I sing all the time. I look FORWARD to the future, something I have never allowed myself to do before. I have come to EXPECT good things to happen.
Sure, I still panic at the drop of a hat, and I have a great fear of the shortened days ahead… but I am so perfectly ready to accept the good in my life that I don’t let myself dwell on the tiny niggles that worm their way into the back of my mind, causing me stress and worry. I take things a day at a time, anticipating what new wonder I’ll experience today.
And you know what? Nine times out of ten, my days are filled with wonder and pure, unadulterated happiness. And it is all due to my gorgeous boys.
* To read other mommy posts about changes this year, click here.