So on my Facebook Page today, I had a message from the lovely Jenny at Cassandra’s Corner tagging me in a meme going around. The idea is to list five Christmas wishes for the year and then tag five other bloggers to do the same.
Who am I to resist, eh?
To get us in the mood, I even will share with you my favorite Christmas song, Fairytale of New York by The Pogues and Kirsty MacColl. It’s not Christmas unless you call your other half, “You scumbag, you maggot, you cheap lousy faggot.”
(No seriously, for those not familiar with the song, it’s actually quite touching, even filled with vitriol and hate.)
I thought long and hard about what my five Christmas wishes for the year would be. And while I would love to be selfless enough to wish for world peace and salvation for all, I really don’t have it in me to wish for miracles right now. Instead, I tried to stay somewhat realistic and wish for things that will benefit me and those I love.
Without further ado…
I do tend to find Christmas incredibly stressful. I can’t remember ever really ENJOYING this holiday. There have been some lovely moments here and there, but the overall vibe I get from the season is one of worry, anxiousness and feeling overwhelmed.
I find giving gifts really difficult due to wanting to really wow the recipient. I hope to give something useful, thoughtful and desirable. I wouldn’t want to have Dexter give Mark at tie like you see kids in movies doing… After all, he doesn’t wear one. Similarly I could go for something really sentimental like a pocket watch inscribed with a significant message, but when would it ever get used? So I guess my first wish would be to be able to conceive, acquire and give the perfect gift to each person on my list. No worries about whether they will like it or not because it will be exactly what they didn’t know they wanted.
I find RECEIVING gifts probably even MORE stressful than giving them. I honestly would be happier receiving nothing at all than to have to pretend that I like some of the gifts I end up getting. I know it’s the thought that counts, and I try very hard to be gracious, but honestly, it gets hard. Each year I get at LEAST one book “because I know how much you love to read!” The book in question is always one that I would never choose for myself, and I feel obligated to read it because it was a gift. My eyes glaze over within pages and I start to feel decidedly annoyed at the gift giver for not putting any more thought into the gift than that I enjoy reading. So wish number two would be for no more gifts! Just lots of love and hugs and focussing on the youngest members of the family who are more liable to find the season magical and ANY gift a joy to receive.
Now that I have outed myself as a total Christmas grinch (and a really ungrateful one, too!), I can move on to something that I really DO want. And that is for the baby in my belly to be born happy, healthy and strong. I would love to wish for an easier pregnancy, but the truth is that I’d go through hell for this kid, and if I have to endure more stress, pain and mood swinging to make sure that he is born perfect, then I will do it. So wish number three is simply that I want baby boy number two to come into this world in the best possible circumstances. For this I have to put my trust in more reasonable sources than St Nick, but I trust my doctors 100% and have faith that they will do their best to ensure great results.
One of the things about Christmas that always gets me down is that I am never near family. My last Christmas at home was in the year 2000, and I was 18 years old. Similarly Mark has been away from home for several years. Earlier this year we moved back to the US from the UK, and yet we STILL have a problem. We live in Florida. My family is in Pennsylvania. And Mark’s family is in Utah. There is just no way for both of us to see our families on Christmas. This year we are flying to Utah for Mark’s sister’s wedding (less than a week away!), Christmas and New Years. And while I am so happy that he gets this opportunity, I would give a lot to be able to be with my family, too. I guess wish number four would be that there was some magic available which would allow us to see both families on the big day. If only they lived closer to one another. Or if they would all be able/want to travel down to spend Christmas with us! Maybe some day…
I guess that my earlier claim to be “realistic” in my wishes is kind of out the window now. Not one of the four I’ve listed is something that could be granted by anyone other than Santa Claus himself! So for my final wish, I will try and bring it home with a proper hope. I sincerely wish that I stop seeing myself as my worst enemy. That I can do the things that need to be done to get me where I want to go. That I will work harder, be better and choose the path to real happiness instead of acknowledging what needs to be done and then running in the opposite direction. Yes, wish number five is to stop standing in my own way. And since I am the only one who can grant it, I have high hopes that it will be an attainable goal.
So there you have it. My five Christmas Wishes. What would yours be?
I tag EVERYONE to participate, as this is a great opportunity to figure out what you really want for this year. Merry Christmas!