The last couple of days, I’ve spent thinking mostly about this blog. Originally I wanted a simple way to keep track of my pregnancy in words and pictures… a way for my son to be able to look back to when he was still in mama’s belly and read about how many changes she went through and what thoughts and feelings she had toward him before he was born.
But as the days and weeks have gone on, I’ve realised that keeping an online presence of this sort is actually quite a big task – and a bit of an obligation. I’ve found myself wanting to post about so many things and yet censoring myself for fear that Dexter may one day find some piece of information he didn’t want to know.
There’s an honesty inherent in blogging that makes me feel somehow like I need to go that extra mile to capture every feeling and emotion, however negative or graphic and share it with the world. As I’ve trolled through the vast array of Mommy Blogs on the net, I’ve been highly impressed with the bravery of some of the women out there. Many of them have been through heartbreaking occurences, only to come back fighting. From pregnancy to first time motherhood to raising an entire brood, every story is different, and I am enthralled at the eloquence that surrounds me.
But something I’ve noticed a lot is that many of the truly brave posts are made only weeks, months or years after they happen. Most women will rehash the horrors, but only once they’ve dealt with it and can accept their pain as part of themselves. They can’t “confess” their truest feelings when they’re having them… for fear of being thought a monster? For worry about how it will impact how others see them?
It’s hard to say. I can’t judge when and how they choose to share their stories. All I can say is that my personal demons are often at the forefront of my mind, and whenever possible, I want to share them straight away. If my pain can help someone else even for a few minutes to feel better about their own state of mind, then surely it’s worth jotting down…
Of course, that’s just the sad side of blogging. There’s also the TMI side. Many women I see don’t talk about the difficulties surrounding them which are of a more taboo nature.
For instance – sex. I’d love to see someone blogging about their sex life WHILE pregnant, rather than passing a brief comment later on about their lack of intimacy during their pregnancy. Or even their total horniness the whole time!
And what about potty habits? Consipation, diarrhea, constant need to pee, etc… Seems kind of strange to me that people gloss over this stuff so much.
I guess that’s why there are forums out there, eh? Much easier to talk about this stuff when you’re hiding behind a random user name and not exposed throughout the world by your own site. 😉
Anyway, I’ve completely gotten off track with what I originally intended to post about. For all intents and purposes, I am realising that this blog is fast becoming more than just a personal log of all my hormonal swings.
It is my own personal online presence – a thing that could define me. Whether someone stops by to drop a comment or I swing on over to another blog and interact, there’s a record of my time online. This site is, for lack of a better term, my home. And it’s important to me that it be a place which is representative of ME. And MY life. And MY style.
So for the past couple of days, I’ve been experimenting with blog design, writing styles, categories, etc. I’m reading up on blogging tips, and I’m trying to make this a place where visitors feel at home. Where people WANT to visit and read about little ol’ me, not because I’m interesting (I’m not!) but because I have something worth reading about.
I’m learning more each day, and maybe by the time Baby Dex arrives, I’ll be up and running and ready to talk about more than just potty habits, sex and hormones…
And then my son will be able to learn about the REAL me, and not just the mommy he will come to know and love.