I guess one of the reasons I started this blog is to connect with other women (and men!) who are comfortable sharing their experiences of pregnancy and/or mother/fatherhood. I’ve spent a lot of time using various “social networks” to try and reach out to other folks so that once baby comes, I’ll have a sort of circle of friends to reach out to.
This is not to say, of course, that I’ve left all of my networking to faceless online folks…. But there are very few “real life” people that I can relate to when it comes to being a parent. Luckily for me, I do have one or two who have reached out and given me advice and guidance, or just plain support. To them, I am completely indebted, and I hope that once Baby D emerges, I’ll have even more interaction with the mummies and daddies I know for realz.
But aside from those few amazing people I can interact with, I am finding the whole impending motherhood thing a little bit daunting.
Given that I’m not ACTUALLY a mommy yet, I’ve felt slightly alienated from all the mommy bloggers out there. I have no useful contribution to make when THEY ask for advice, and nor can I ask THEM for guidance when I’ve not yet got any idea what calamities I may have to endure. I’ve been joining sites which allow you to link up your blog, but most of them involve joining sub-groups within the main site. I am then forced to figure out which groups are suitable.
Should I join the Pregnancy groups? I am pregnant after all, so this would make sense… but as I’m due in three weeks, it seems a little silly to join a ton of new preggo women when it soon won’t apply to me.
Should I join the various Mommy groups? Crafty Moms, Stay at Home Moms, Working Moms, Single Moms, etc…. I could pick and choose any number of them, but the problem is that I’m not ACTUALLY a mom yet!
It’s doing my head in!
Once the baby is here, I wonder how much time I’ll be able to devote to setting myself up on these various groups. It could be weeks or months before I am in any sort of state to make regular contributions to this blog, let alone to other parenting websites. I had really hoped to get it sorted BEFORE the baby comes in order to save myself trouble later.
But unfortunately I’m starting to feel like the girl who doesn’t fit in anywhere.
It’s been suggested that I just join the parenting groups that I imagine will apply to me after baby is born. But then, I can’t help wondering if I’ll jinx myself.
If I join a group for mothers of baby boys, I could wind up with the shock of giving birth to a girl. Or if I assume my son will be healthy and well, I could wind up with a baby with any number of health issues…
And then there’s the unnerving and upsetting thought that undoes everything… what happens if something goes wrong, and I don’t come back with a baby at all? I’ve read so many horror stories, and I have so many fears. As birthing day gets closer and closer, I have more and more nightmares about the endless terrifying possibilities.
And so I sit here on my laptop, afraid to interact, afraid to assume, afraid to hope. I just patiently wait, day by day, counting kicks, monitoring blood sugars, keeping myself from thinking about the very real worries surrounding me.
When baby makes his appearance (as he will definitely do soon, one way or another), I will be as ready as I can be. Even if I haven’t quite got around to finding my place in the online world.