Home PARENTINGPregnancy Here We Go Again…

Here We Go Again…

by Katie Reed

It’s been a little while since my last real update, and I hope you’ll forgive me. We’ve had family staying with us for the last week or so, and my computer time has been really limited. But it feels good to have had a little break and reconnect with the people we love.

I have so many photos and stories from the last eight days, and I can’t wait to share them, but at the moment there are bigger issues weighing on my mind. Last Monday we had to go back to the doctor so I could be re-tested for the infection that they found during my last set of tests. Because I had been put on a quite dangerous medication, I was already quite nervous, and I was just really thankful that we got through it with no ill side effects. I was keeping my fingers crossed that the infection was eradicated so that I could move on from worrying about it and focus on worrying about the effects the meds may have had on our unborn baby!

On Tuesday, my phone rang, and the caller ID said it was my doctor’s office. I braced myself. But even though it wasn’t good news, it wasn’t the news I’d been worried about. Instead, I was told I had a bout of thrush, which came to light during the humiliating pap smear I had. Since I’d already realised this, I had already treated it myself, so it wasn’t that big of a deal.

On Wednesday, my phone rang, and the caller ID again said it was my doctor’s office. Again, I braced myself. And again, it was news which could have been better but wasn’t a big deal. This time, they were worried about my diabetes and wanted to make sure I had a glucometer to measure my blood sugars. They planned to call me in a prescription for one.

On Thursday, I prepared for another call. The last time had taken three days, so I figured if I was going to get the bad news, today would be the day. But there was no call. All seemed fine and dandy.

On Friday, I told Mark I was sure everything was fine because if they didn’t call, it must mean the infection was gone. He had his doubts, and more than that, he was kind of annoyed. Given all the drama surrounding the infection/meds, he wanted them to call me even if the infection WAS gone, just so we had peace of mind.

Unfortunately, later on Friday afternoon, the phone rang again. And it was the doctor. I braced myself but really really hoped that it was them calling to say all was well.

It wasn’t.

The infection is still there, and I must go on ANOTHER course of the scary antibiotics to ensure that we get rid of it. They said that it wasn’t as strong this time, so hopefully the meds would do the trick.

I admit that I cried. Last time, the doctor called me herself and told me that it was scary, but all would be well. This time, I knew the REAL risks to me and to the baby, and I knew enough to be really scared. The longer you are on this medicine, the worse the risks.

Since we had big plans for the weekend which included lots of time in the sunshine (completely out of the question when on the medicine!), I decided to wait until our guests had left before starting it up.

Which brings me to today. I’ve got a bottle of pills, and I am scared to death to take them. But I am scared to death not to take them. I am worried about the fact that I’ve got a heart condition which SHOULD mean I can’t take these pills. I’m worried about what might happen to the baby short term and long term if I take them. I worry about what will happen to the baby if I DON’T take them.

Last time, even though I was afraid, I felt I was doing the right thing. But this time, I can’t help but be terrified….

I just hit the second trimester. I’ll be 15 weeks on Thursday, and I can’t stop thinking about what will happen if I lose the baby. Can I handle it? Or what if we have our 20 week scan and find out that the baby is malformed or disabled or something? Our whole lives will change significantly. Or what if we think everything is okay and don’t find out until the baby is born that something is wrong?

All those normal pregnancy fears have quadrupled just because of the three little pills in this bottle.

And I feel utterly alone.

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12 comments

Kylie @kykaree September 3, 2012 - 7:21 pm

Oh hugs honey.

FWIW I think you are doing the right thing. I know its hard but I am sure the risk of infection is the greater problem here, and your doctor has thought this through thoroughly, but perhaps you need to speak to them again if you are so concerned.

I know how scary complex pregnancies are, mine was a nightmare (all 27 weeks of it) with endless scares and worries, and I have a big happy 3 year old now, despite being born at 1lb 7oz. Just take each day as it comes, and try to deal with your worries and anxieties one at a time, and do what you can to alleviate them.

You are not alone ya know!

Reply
Katie Vyktoriah September 6, 2012 - 7:20 pm

Thank you hon. I really do appreciate the kind words. I do want to speak to my doctor, but with the costs for each appointment, I just feel stifled. 🙁 But I know that people go through worse and come out fine, so I’m keeping my chin up as much as I can. 🙂 THank you. xx

Reply
Kylie @kykaree September 3, 2012 - 7:21 pm

Oh hugs honey.

FWIW I think you are doing the right thing. I know its hard but I am sure the risk of infection is the greater problem here, and your doctor has thought this through thoroughly, but perhaps you need to speak to them again if you are so concerned.

I know how scary complex pregnancies are, mine was a nightmare (all 27 weeks of it) with endless scares and worries, and I have a big happy 3 year old now, despite being born at 1lb 7oz. Just take each day as it comes, and try to deal with your worries and anxieties one at a time, and do what you can to alleviate them.

You are not alone ya know!

Reply
Katie Vyktoriah September 6, 2012 - 7:20 pm

Thank you hon. I really do appreciate the kind words. I do want to speak to my doctor, but with the costs for each appointment, I just feel stifled. 🙁 But I know that people go through worse and come out fine, so I’m keeping my chin up as much as I can. 🙂 THank you. xx

Reply
Actually Mummy... September 4, 2012 - 5:22 am

Oh good lord, I just read the other post – that is so scary. I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with this, and sorry too that I missed the first post about it. I guess you just have to do what the Doctors think is best, and keep your fingers crossed. I know that doesn’t help. Is there any way to check on scans if it has affected the baby at all? To put your mind at rest once you are well? I do know that medication warnings always tell the worst story (so you can’t sue them!) so I hope that means your baby and you will be healthy. Hugs x

Reply
Katie Vyktoriah September 6, 2012 - 7:21 pm

thank you hon. I would like to get a scan, but the cost is astronomical. I will have to wait until 20 weeks and just get my normal scan to find out if everything is okay. But I do appreciate the support. xx

Reply
Actually Mummy... September 4, 2012 - 5:22 am

Oh good lord, I just read the other post – that is so scary. I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with this, and sorry too that I missed the first post about it. I guess you just have to do what the Doctors think is best, and keep your fingers crossed. I know that doesn’t help. Is there any way to check on scans if it has affected the baby at all? To put your mind at rest once you are well? I do know that medication warnings always tell the worst story (so you can’t sue them!) so I hope that means your baby and you will be healthy. Hugs x

Reply
Katie Vyktoriah September 6, 2012 - 7:21 pm

thank you hon. I would like to get a scan, but the cost is astronomical. I will have to wait until 20 weeks and just get my normal scan to find out if everything is okay. But I do appreciate the support. xx

Reply
knitnrun September 7, 2012 - 2:24 pm

Huge hugs and positive, good wishes winging your way.

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Katie Vyktoriah September 7, 2012 - 4:23 pm

Thank you sweetie. xx

Reply
knitnrun September 7, 2012 - 2:24 pm

Huge hugs and positive, good wishes winging your way.

Reply
Katie Vyktoriah September 7, 2012 - 4:23 pm

Thank you sweetie. xx

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