Don’t get me wrong… I love you with all of my heart and soul and always will. Whatever you do, wherever you go, whoever you are, I will always be your mother and your biggest supporter. I waited all my life for you, and I am constantly amazed by and proud of the little person you are becoming as each day goes by.
But in the interest of full discloser, I must tell you… YOU ARE DRIVING ME UP THE F’N WALL!
I mean, anyone would look at you and think you are the world’s most pleasant and perfect child. With your huge blue eyes and your wide, loving smile, you light up every room you enter. You’re full of energy and love to interact with everyone, from strangers we meet at the supermarket (I’ll never forget you running your hand up the back of a woman’s leg and grabbing her bum, nearly getting me slapped!) to friends and neighbours we don’t see often enough.
But you use that energy for evil! PURE EVIL!
Right now, I am sitting here watching you pull apart my favourite scrapbook, ripping pages willy nilly and shrieking incessantly while Sidney the Monkey takes Baby Jake on an adventure through the jungle. Several rows of books have been thrown from the living room shelves, and there is paper confetti everywhere from all the ripped pages.
But if I put you in your walker, you scream.
If I put you in your playpen, you scream.
If I give you toys to distract you, you scream.
And truthfully kiddo? I can’t take much more.
So pull your socks up, close your mouth, sit quietly and play WITHOUT ruining all my stuff!
Otherwise… well you just WAIT till your father gets home!
Forever your loving (though terribly frazzled) mother,