So the first night without my boyfriend didn’t pass very well. I woke up several times during the night, convinced that there was something going on I wasn’t aware of… Despite the fact that I USUALLY wake up a thousand times a night, I somehow talked myself into believing that I was pulled from my sleep by a noise or a movement… Someone was in the house with me!
Of course it was rubbish, and I talked myself back into sleep. But I did spend an awful lot of the darkness hours wondering if I should just get up and play online until morning.
Anyway, I made it through the night unscathed but for a worsening of the cough/head cold I’ve had for a few days. Took some paracetemol and feel better for it.
In other news, I’m 17 weeks pregnant today! *cue streamers* It feels like it’s taken bloody ages to get here, but I’m so excited. In three weeks, not only will I be halfway through the pregnancy (eep!), but it’s also the date of my anomoly scan… which means I get to find out the gender!! Will I be giving birth to David or to Stella?? I’m so excited I can’t even tell you!
A few weeks ago, I got a little paranoid about the baby (happens to all us pregnant women, I’m told!) and made Mark take me to Argos to buy a doppler.
Upon getting home, we tried and tried, but it turns out it’s not the best doppler we could have bought. Even listening to my OWN heartbeat, it’s quite faint. The best we can get on it is the whooshing sound of the placenta.
Still, it hasn’t stopped him from trying again and again to hear something to reassure us.
A few days after we bought it, though, we were visited by my midwife, and she brought HER doppler which allowed us to hear the baby’s heartbeat loud and clear. We even got a recording of it, which I can listen to any time. 😀 It’s precious.
Just looking at these pictures reminds me how INTO this whole pregnancy Mark has been. He was such a rock through the first trimester when I was scared and angry and HUGELY hormonal. He took all the abuse I heaped on him and didnt let it break him. He remained enthusiastic and supportive through it all. And for that I’ll always be thankful and… well… proud of him. He’s a good man, even if I don’t always give him the credit he deserves.
Now that we’re well into the second trimester, my happiness has grown and grown. It’s a big life change for both of us – even more so when you think that at 17 weeks pregnant, we’ve only known each other for seven and a half months! Life certainly has a way of sneaking up on you, doesn’t it?
And here I am today, fresh from a nice relaxing bath, holding my ever-expanding belly like a proud mama should. I feel gigantic, but I wear my (somewhat lopsided) bump with pride.
Mark returns from Paris with his mother late Wednesday night, and we take her to the airport on Thursday morning. While I’ve enjoyed having her around, I can’t wait to get back to our routine. Evening snuggles on the couch while watching episodes of Grey’s Anatomy… that extra time in bed in the mornings… and mostly just the ability to talk and kiss and cuddle as much as we want any time we want.
After so many years of depressive episodes, unexplicable emptiness and fear about the future, for the first time in a long time, I feel good. I feel happy, a feeling I thought had passed me by and would never return. My heart is full, and I am warm and comfortable in the knowledge that I am loved and taken care of the way I’ve always longed to be.
It’s a nice feeling.