spanking your child is wrong

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  1. Wow. Big topic Katie! Well tackled too. BUT I actually couldn’t take in most of your arguments because I was too horrified by the idea of a group of women sitting around talking about the most effective ways to hurt their children. A very evocative issue and I suspect that most of our opinions come from the heart rather than rained argument.

    I think that smacking is ok in particular circumstances. If J runs out into the road, he WILL get a smacked bottom. Otherwise, he might get a quick rap on the legs when I need him to stop his unacceptable behaviours but he isn’t listening to my words and focusing. I don’t agree with smacking in any other circumstance and certainly not as a routine part of discipline. I feel that it teaches children that hitting is a valid method of control. It isn’t.

    As a point of interest, it is not illegal for a parent to smack their child in the uk, but where smacking leaves a mark on the child this is considered child abuse.

    1. Thank you, Crisi. It IS a big topic, and I debated whether or not I should state my opinion so boldly. But it IS my opinion, and I can’t change it.

      I, too, have smacked my son’s hand in the moment he was about to do something dangerous. I’ve had to swat him away when he was about to touch a hot oven or push him to the side when he nearly walked in front of the postman’s van. And truly, as I said in the post, I do not believe that spanking (let alone swatting as you described) actually hurts children at all. But using violence as punishment is not something I can ever advocate (even if the violence does not physically hurt them).

      And yah, I was aware of that about the UK. It is interested, as the law I described above acquiesces that spanking will often leave red marks, welts and bruises on children, and this is okay because kid’s skin is sensitive. To me that sounds like a ridiculous thing to say. When does a bruise become too big and enter “abuse” territory? My old high school teacher used to gleefully pull us out of the seat by our hair, yanking ferociously, often pulling handfuls of hair out. She would tease us and say she did it because it doesn’t leave a visible mark, and therefore it couldn’t be proved. Abusive people find ways to work around rules.

  2. I was smacked as a child and I feel it taught me respect. whenever you speak to an elderly person you will hear them saying they were spanked ,some of them really bad when THEY were kids and I feel there was much more respect in the world. I think people are nowadays are looking for abuse everywhere and we are taking more and more away from what parents can do and find loads of imaginative ways of getting kids to behave and the truth is when I look around ,at least in the UK and I see loads of young people with no discipline,no respect for others or even elders and even more so, no respect for their parents.They have no fear of anything and they think they are the important ones. Fair enough kids should be protected from abuse,no doubt but I feel parents should be trusted more. Now if it comes to teachers..well I do not have kids but I can not imagine a stranger taking it upon himself or herself to hit my child, however , lack of respect at school is a growing problem.Teachers these days can not do anything at all if the child or a young adults misbehaves so if they can’t do anything themselves at least they should know the parents will be able to. Now if it comes to my friends and my child..well I would like to think if they are my friend I would trust them to only do sth like that if it really is warranted necessary . But then again I do not have kids yet so it might all change in the future but this is what I currently think from my own experience being a child myself at least.

    1. I agree with your core message, Pat. It is unacceptable that kids are so disrespectful to adults, and it is horrifying just how badly behaved a lot of the youth of today is. But spanking is not the only way to curb that behavior. It is up to the parents to TEACH their children the right way to behave. In my opinion negative reinforcement through spanking or other physical responses is only teaching them to meet bad behavior with violence. Most parents are tired and just want an easier life (myself included!) but if you’ve gone through the trouble to have children, they are your responsibility and it is up to you to teach them the correct way to behave.

      As I said, I know countless parents who hit their kids, and none of them (that I know of!) enjoy doing it. They wish they had a better way. The truth is that there ARE better ways, but they take effort and hard work, and most parents are too tired to do it. Smacking a kid is a lot less effort (with a quicker result) than patiently working with them through tantrums and bad behavior and trying to help them understand why they are wrong.

      I have my own opinions, but I understand there are those who disagree with me. 🙂

      1. I do understand where you are coming from even though I still stand by the fact that being spanked taught me respect.Though what I am definitely NOT saying is that either Dex or Dan would ever need spanking to achieve the same goal. But if it comes to you saying parents are too tired (or lazy) ..I have to say I think it is ,if anything, more that they just don’t have the time to. You are in a privileged position, in a way at least , you are a stay at home Mum, and with all the draw backs it may have,you will have more time to spend reinforcing the behaviours you expect from your kids at home,trying different methods of communication with them,seeing what works with them best and even getting to know them better. I am saying privileged only because looking around at other parents I know and having been thinking about having kids myself a lot for a long time now, a lot of the time both parents work,often opposite shifts only to support themselves and the kids. It is very sad to see that people don’t really know their kids any more simply because they are not at home. ( Having said that this is not the reason why I am pro spanking ) I think it is great you found other methods and different people will always have different opinions. Mine is just a bit more old-fashioned ” since it worked for generations there is no reason for it not to work now” .
        P.S. I miss you…

  3. I think it’s tricky and I can completely agree with where you are coming but at the same point I do wonder if saying ‘no’ is sometimes enough. I would never consider repeatedly hitting a child, but if it is one single ‘slap’ more to emphasis than do harm?

    I’m not a parent so I don’t know how I will react when the time comes, but I can’t say I go down on the ‘never’ side of things!

    1. It is definitely tricky. I think every parent needs to consider for themselves how they feel, and most will do what they think is best. As I said, I don’t think spanking makes you a bad person. But I do have my own feelings on it.

      There are many things I said before I was a parent that amuse me now. I said I’d never do this or that, and I find myself doing them. Or I said I would always do one thing, and now I never do it! 🙂 Until you are put in a position, you just don’t know how you’d react.

      But for me, spanking is one thing I can’t ever imagine myself doing – or if I did, I’d consider myself a failure because I can only see that I’d do it in a situation where I’d let my emotions get the better of me. I could never do it if I was thinking logically.

  4. Spanking kids can backfire on you. Additionally, fabricating a story about a stereotypical redneck hitting a boy wearing a pink headband at WalMart can also backfire on you.

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