I think every woman goes through various style changes in her lifetime. Some are just the products of youthful experimentation, others are us trying to keep up with the trends that are popular at any given time. Some women are lucky enough to figure out what styles flatter them early in life, while others of us are on a constant quest to find our own “look.” I have friends who have no embarrassing photos of themselves. Either they deleted them long ago or they simply never existed. I kind of hate those friends.
For me, I’ve been playing with my own personal style since I was twelve! That was the summer I dyed my hair for the first time. The only color my mother would allow was auburn. Since I had a lot of natural red in my hair, it made a subtle change that both she and I could live with. But as I got older, I stopped asking permission and just started doing what I wanted. That included ridiculous hair experimentation that often fried my locks and necessitated a severe haircut. Other times I would just pile on the makeup and hope it looked good. Hint – it didn’t. From weird accessories to strange styles, here are some of my epic beauty fails! Enjoy a laugh at my expense!
The Dreaded Home Bleach Job
Of COURSE I wanted to be blonde at various points in my life. Unfortunately, after literally DOZENS of tries doing it myself, I NEVER learned my lesson. I continued to turn my hair various shades of yellow and orange in an attempt to get that all natural California girl vibe. Do NOT try this at home, kids! You will regret it.
Better Dead Than Red
As I mentioned, my hair has a lot of red in in naturally. So it’s no surprise that I’ve dyed it every shade of red imaginable. From copper-toned highlights to bright orange to deep burgundy, I’ve tried them all with varying levels of success. My mom was a natural redhead, so she always seemed to like it when I did it. My grandmother (who never liked my mom) was less enthusiastic and kept telling me how ugly I was with red hair.
I Got Banged
And over the years, I’ve had bangs in every color. But since I had no clue how to style them, and since I refused to go to a salon and have a professional do it, I was usually left with tragically bad blunt bangs that did nothing to frame my face.
Black Hair, Don’t Care
For every time I did a bad bleach job, I ended up dying it black to cover the mess. No one ever warned me that a bad black dye job is worse than a bad bleach job! The last time I dyed it black was in 2007. It fried my hair so badly that I had to use a protein treatment four days a week for over a year, and THEN I wound up having to cut out about 12 inches of hair to make it healthy again. FAIL!
The Big Chop
Speaking of cutting hair off, I’ve done that, too. When I’d get frustrated with my split ends or watched too many Demi Moore movies, I’d get the inkling to cut my hair off. And god forbid I went to a professional. I’d just start hacking it with kitchen scissors. And THEN I’d go to a salon because I’d screwed it up so badly. What should have been a nice bob would end up a pixie due to my stupidity.
The Curly Girly
There is very little photographic proof of the insanely bad perms I’ve had in my life. My naturally wavy hair often took the curl a little TOO well. To the point where I’d have a massive halo of hair around my head. In my twenties, I did try products that helped my hair curl more naturally, and it looked a bit better. But a bad perm is one of the beauty sins NO ONE should have to keep pictures of.
Pencil Thin Brows
Thanks to Gwen Stefani, us 90s gals learned to pluck our eyebrows to within an inch of their lives. My highschool classmates would even shave or Nair them because none of us were that great at using tweezers. In fact, the first time I “plucked” my eyebrows, I used a pair of toenail clippers, as I didn’t know there was a difference. FAIL!
Guy’s Don’t Make Passes at Girls Who Wear Glasses
As a lifelong glasses wearer, I know the importance of a good pair of specs. They’ve got to frame the face just right, and they have to actually work. When I was a kid, I thought plastic frames were gross, and I always made my mom buy me wire-framed glasses. Then plastic frames became all the rage, and I switched over. Geek chic became a thing, and everyone was sporting oversized nerd glasses, which don’t necessarily flatter everyone. Regardless, I hopped on the bandwagon and got myself a pair that did nothing for me. Ah, youth. And by youth I mean I was 32.
My Hat’s Off To You
I have always been a hat person. In the attic of my parent’s garage, there is a box FULL to the brim (see what I did there?) of my old hats. I LOVE hats. Hats don’t necessarily love me, though. I have way too many photos of me in crazy beanies, fedoras and ballcaps. Still, we all have our own style, right?
Accessorize, Accessorize, Accessorize
When not wearing hats, I’ve always had a thing for hair bands and flowers. Bandanas were a favorite in my teen years. Fancy head scarves were my fondness in my 20s. I loved the bohemian look of a nice paisley headband paired with an oversized sweater. But nothing beat a pretty flower in my hair, a thing I started at age 26 and still do now almost 10 years later.
Here Piggy Pig Pig
I have worn pigtails as an adult woman more than I ever did as a child. I make no apologies. And I’ll never give them up, no matter how ridiculous I look. Deal with it.
Totally Wigging Out
I also have – at any given time – several wigs on hand for bad hair days. I’ve had extensions, both clip in and more permanent, but they don’t give me the satisfaction that a nice wig does. That’s not to say, of course, that all my wigs are nice ones. As you can see, sometimes they just look like… well, like wigs.
You So Pretty
When I was a young child, my mom used to enter me in beauty pageants. I was adorable back then. And she used to put loads of makeup on me, as it’s important that all that natural child beauty shines through to the back of auditoriums. Apparently. As I got older, I never learned the art of NATURAL makeup. As a result, I have a ton of ridiculously overmade photos of me where I look like I came from another planet. Or I’m goth. Neither of these things was true. I come from Earth. I wouldn’t lie about that.
Wow. What a crazy romp through my past. Want a few more? Check out this slideshow on SheKnows, featuring 20 bloggers sharing their big beauty regrets. You’ll see mine at #6 – hint: don’t make big beauty decisions when you’re 6 months pregnant!
Do you have a big beauty regret? Let me know in a comment. I wanna hear ALL about them.