When You Want a Baby And Your Husband Doesn’t

37 weeks pregnant - last bump photo
Comments (3)
  1. Linda says:

    This is me!! Hi feel so relatable to you! Hubby was done at 1 but I convinced him to have two. He has been talking about a vasectomy ever since. I always wanted boys too and I have two of them. But I just don’t feel done yet either. I still want one more. That may still come and it may not but currently my hubby is very set on no more. It’s really hard for me. I have a lot of friends who have 3-4 kids and I just want that so bad. I get exhausted and overwhelmed of course too but I know that won’t last forever and I don’t want to regret not having another baby because of temporary exhaustion.

    I always feel like you speak what I’m going through. I’m also a boy mom who had ICP through all pregnancies.

  2. Emily says:

    I was told when I was 16 that I wouldn’t be able to carry to full term if I was even able to get pregnant. At that time, I had a 2-year-old sister and parents who had considered adoption 3 times (my mom struggled to get pregnant, but every time they looked into adoption, she got pregnant!). Growing up with adoption being a discussion in my house, I assumed that was how I would have my children. When I met my husband he was fine with that. Low and behold, 9 months to my wedding day, I was due with our first child. Both my girls were conceived while using birth control which I had to take because my regular cycle caused me to loose too much blood and be incredibly weak. And then we decided we wanted 1 more and actually struggled to get pregnant and had a few miscarriages. I’d always wanted 4 kids, hubs had said 2, but had been ready for the 3, especially after our first loss. My pregnancies were horrible, postpartum was horrible, but my deliveries were a breeze. For several years, I hoped for a “whoops” 4th. My youngest is about to turn 9. A few years ago, I realized, I really didn’t want to go back to babies, diapers, sleepless nights. It took me quite a while. I always thought I loved babies and little kids. Turns out, I have amazing teenagers and this stage of life is even more exciting to me than I thought it would be. My oldest is in high school. We have thought-provoking conversations, travel together, learn from each other. Hubby and I have regular date nights because we don’t have to pay for a sitter. So, the little guy is trying my patients as my first to not love school and test my boundaries more than his siblings did, but seeing him grow and mentally challenge everyone he meets is amazing. I don’t often like to admit when my husband is right, but I’m glad we have the 3 now and despite my feeling of loss over not having a 4th for many years, I can’t even imagine our lives now with more children.

    Sorry, my comment is as long as a blog post, but I felt compelled to share my experiences with you because of your openness. I was 24 when my first baby arrived, at 34, I still thought I wanted just one more. With the first, I felt like I was barely old enough to be a mom. I was 30 when my youngest arrived and in my 30s started to finally feel mature enough and gained confidence. As my youngest started pre-school, I wasn’t ready to let go. But as he got into elementary school and I began to be able to do more for me and less for them all the time, I became a better mother. I honestly think I enjoy my children now more than when they were babies. I’m grateful for the 3 that I have and the several that I don’t because they have all made me who I am today.

    I will turn 40 this year, when I was your age, I was still hoping for one more too. There is no real way to turn off the desire for one more. Seeing a few friends struggle to have a first, or second made me feel guilty for wanting more, but ultimately, letting go and knowing that everything happens for a reason and it’s out of my hands gave me a different perspective. Focus on yourself and what you can do by yourself in the moments you get without your little ones hanging on you. See who YOU are as an individual, not as a mom. Everyone is different, but it’s what helped me and I’m grateful for who I am now.

    And after all that, I found you from linking up to #HomeMattersParty

  3. Oh no I had no idea you wanted anymore. I couldn’t imagine having three let alone four. with me having the 2 boys I always though I would want another to try for a girl, but I feel we are totally complete and I am so content with just the 2 boys. I can see you wanting to take on that woman in the Uk with 19 kids ha ha!!

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