Well this is unexpected. I woke up yesterday morning, feeling rather hormonal and discouraged because my period was due the next day, and I was cramping pretty badly, had lower back pain that was killing me, and I had had my fifth night in a row of crazy vivid dreams. This current bout of PMS was truly awful, as my usual pains were WAY worse, and the nausea that has plagued me the last few months was pretty intense.
I was coming out of the bedroom to head downstairs and see my husband and kids off to work/school, and it was like a scene out of a movie. I stopped, mid-step, eyes wide as scenes rushed through my brain in seconds. Wild and crazy dreams? Nausea, cramps and lower back pain? And what was that? Yes, my breasts were super sore! I also remembered little things like the fact that I kept dropping my phone and my excessive hunger over the last few days. I’d been suffering from insomnia, but I was tired beyond normal. As these thoughts flooded my brain, I just KNEW. I mean, I KNEW I was pregnant.
I actually had a couple packs of pregnancy tests in my bathroom cupboard because of the last time I thought I was pregnant. You know – that time when I wrote a whole post about how much I wanted another baby, but my husband wasn’t on board? I rushed to the bathroom and immediately peed on the stick. And then, I stopped, fearful and feeling ridiculous as I remembered that I’m actually incapable of getting pregnant since I’m on the depo-provera shot! I stuffed the test back into the foil wrapper and threw it into the garbage.
I walked back out of my bathroom and got no more than ten steps before I yelled to Mark to please come here. He headed up the stairs, and I blurted out, “I’M PREGNANT!” He looked at me in confusion, and I started babbling, swearing that I knew it, and I was sorry, and how could this happen, and OH MY GOD. He was actually really cool about it. Unlike previous experiences, he was taking it really well. He basically said, “If we are, then that’s okay. We will be okay.”
Relief flooded through me. I knew that this was the LAST thing he wanted, and even I was feeling pretty concerned about the idea. There’s a big difference between wanting another baby and actually knowing you’re going to have another baby. When I was pregnant with Chester, I’d been adamant that I was done. I’d reconciled myself to having my tubes tied, and I’d even booked to have it done. But all hell had broken loose, and my doctor had refused to do it after the birth, insisting on waiting for six weeks, and then my insurance had refused to cover us, and it ended up not happening.
I love my boys with a delirious sort of joy that I can’t even explain. They drive me insane, but I would go through every minute of pregnancy, birth and life since again and again. And there’s a part of me that is really hoping that maybe we’ll get a girl this time around, after my severe disappointment when we found out Chester’s sex. But an even bigger part of me has embraced the life of a mom of boys, and I would be truly thrilled if we found out this one was another little dude.
After I’d taken in Mark’s calm demeanor, I went back into the bathroom and dug the test out of the garbage. I removed it from the foil pack, and there – clear as day – were two vibrant pink lines. Proof positive that I know my body, and I was definitely pregnant.
It’s been 24 hours since we found out. Since I can’t keep a secret (and I don’t really want to), we told our families and then shared our news on Facebook. The surprise and elation from friends and family has been pretty funny, and no one is more surprised or elated than we are. It has changed a lot of our plans for this year since we had some big travel adventures coming up that we’ll now have to revise. But I’m so excited that we are adding to our brood.
I always thought that three would be my limit, and even ten years ago, I never could have imagined having more than two. But four seems like a great number to finish on. So our family of five will now become six.
I go to the doctor next week just to confirm that all is well. In fact, the appointment was already booked 9 weeks ago, as I was going in to have an IUD placed so that we would be safe from having more kids. Apparently fate has a funny sense of humor, though, and now I’ll be going to check on the status of this little seed within me.
We are due December 25th, according to the date of my last period, but I’m sure that will change over time. Right now, though, I can’t think of a greater Christmas present than the completion of our little family.
Here we go!